COWS

From the news this morning, I heard Herschel Walker call every woman of Georgia a cow. Walker was on the stage with Cotton from Arkansas and Scott from Florida. They were representing the Republican National Party and did not interrupt or stop Herschel’s cow story. So I assume they ratified calling every woman in Georgia a cow. Thereupon, I presume that all Republicans think the women of Georgia are cows.

That’s not very nice.

Herschel told a story, obviously a metaphor, about himself and the women of Georgia. A bull looks over a fence at three cows in a field, but also notices three cows up the hill. Like any cow can jump over the moon, the bull jumps and clears the fence. He goes up the hill, gets closer, and realizes the three cows are three bulls


This story is dreamlike, not sourced from the Bible but from life. If Herschel is having dreams where cows are bulls, how sexually conflicted is Herschel? At a quarter mile I can tell a woman from a man. At the same distance I assume bulls can tell cows from bulls.

There is another explanation. The bulls on the hill are hiding their cows from Herschel, but he goes up anyway.

AWARD FOR JOSH HAWLEY

Comrade Josh Hawley
COMMUNIST PARTY HEADQUARTERS United States Senate
Washington, D.C. 20510

Dear Comrade Hawley,

I praise you for the super nice things you have said about Vladmir Putin and his aggression in Ukraine. Now that Hairless Vlad has been completely transparent, you’ve been completely apprised.

On behalf of hairless Vlad (too much caviar and vodka), I intercepted a message to be conveyed to you. You have been promoted from cadre to Comrade. And Hairless Vlad wants to award you the Leonid Brezhev Medal, for being the biggest dupe from the West who will cover for Asian despots. You have done stupendous work of undoing the statesman work of Winston Churchill and Harry Truman at Fulton, Missouri. You are a true traitor. Specifically, if you can remember anything, Jimmy Carter gave crusty Leonid a kiss (in Vienna, I believe). Jimmy Carter needed a kiss. I guess his trophy wife, Roswell, wasn’t up to kissing the president of the United States that morning.

As you might know, nothing is more personal than a kiss. Human beings cannot be more intimate, considering how Covid-19 passes these days. Hairless Vlad is always looking for younger men. I am instructed to say when you are next in Moscow, you visit the Kremlin to neck.

Comrade MichelOSH