Tag Archives: golf courses

LAST WEEK’S NEWS

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Having poisoned their own lands, and over harvesting new species to sell in wet-markets, the Chinese are after the pristine sanctuary around the Galapagos Islands. Kill everything – leave nothing. Perhaps a new virus will move from animals to humans. Pollute the oceans. Destroy nations. They have enough people. It’s the Chinese way.

Next came Trump loyalist, an oxymoron of the first order, the dumbest person to favor Don. Hermann Cain. Remember 9-9-9? That does not work except to turn it over 6-6-6: six feet social distance, on your six, six feet under. Old Hermann died of Corona.

A lot was on Don’a plate and he doesn’t have the heart to tell the truth: The Chinese are in the Eastern Pacific ready to print mail-in ballots for Trump and his opponents. Put off the election. But the more natural policy is, advance the election to the end of summer. Why put off an election for a Loser? Trump can leave office and play golf in the rough. By Halloween everyone will be wearing a mask which is appropriate.

The potential of a golf course on the Galapagos Islands had preoccupied Don Trump. It’s a perfect place. The islands are renown for their ecology and its pristine nature. Wild animals don’t run when humans approach, a prime hunting ground the Eric and Don, Jr. It will be super easy to kill the animals with the bulldozers. There is nothing natural about a golf course or a morbidly-obsess orange-haired man hitting a white ball with a stick and charging after it in off-course deviations. Don’s Galapagos Island course will be covered with grass, so there is no rough, but always a distance from the green. Don still has to avoid water traps, otherwise known as the Pacific Ocean.

It’s all been arranged. Little known about negotiations conducted by Jared Kutschner and the Chinese for the fish fleet to come this year were goodies, friends with benefits they called it. Once the sea life is erased, Don figures the price of the islands will plummet, and he’ll buy. The Chinese will get all the fish and birds they can salvage. Only insects will remain which is Don’s natural world. He has already lined up the bug concessions. While negotiating the Chinese taught Ivanka Trump their language. By the end of the visit, Ivanka was walking around the room greeting everyone with a big Chinese: “Howdy Doody.” 

ALERT!

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Don Trump is now blaming the Mexicans for starting the coronavirus and spreading it by selling Corona beer. The nouns are related; they start with the same six letters. Don knows no verbs. And forget about one inconsistency. The beer is capitalized; the virus is not. It is Don’s plan to make the virus smaller and smaller in print so no one can read of it and it will be forgotten. He’ll blame Mexico.

No one in Don’s family drinks beer so they haven’t gotten the Mexican virus – the Trumps are ripple people. Mexicans, though, are crafty, nefarious people. They’ll go back to work as soon as they can. They don’t like the border wall, refusing to pay for it and now they’re making redneck Americans, some with orange hair, pay and be sick. They offer Corona beer as a virus cure, but the reckless behavior it causes spreads infections. Don Trump is cancelling Cinco de Mayo. Feliz Navidad is in jeopardy, too.

Americans cannot be outdone by the Mexicans, who wear bandannas as face coverings like they are all banditos. Don Trump knows all about this. He saw a movie, the third sequel of THE MAGNIFICENT FIVE. (People can’t venture into nineteenth century Mexico often and expect everyone to come out alive, but Yul Brenner needed the roles.) The next sequel eagerly awaited by Don was in pre-production: The Magnificent Three and a Half. It was going to be a remake of THREE MEN AND A BABY. The powers-to-be wrapped that. However, the concept came back on TV as TWO AND A HALF MEN.

Don Trump believes the Wall will keep the virus out. Kelly Ann said so. She’ll never return to New York City. Don Trump has already departed there to go to a hot spot, Mira-a-Lago where every blade of grass on the golf course festers coronavirus. The virus becomes active then Don Trump drives off road, or off the beaten path, which he frequently does because Don always plays from the rough. Don Trump is reconsidering the move. There is no coronavirus at the Trump Yukon course where the President’s boys, Eric and Don, (also known as the two Fredos, no movie in pre-production) like to shoot mice. (Ever see the excellent movie, NEVER CRY WOLF?) The advantage of the Yukon development is it is farther from Mexico.